Gen Z Difficulty with Love, Dating and Romance

Meeting people through friends is becoming rarer amongst Gen Z.  The dating trend shifted to dating apps and meeting people online. Of a poll conducted by Digital Labs of 1012 Vietnamese, over 65 percent had used or were using online dating apps.

No surprise here.

The top 3 dating apps in Vietnam are:

  1. Tinder
  2. Bumble
  3. Badoo

With “Vietnamcupid” and “Facebook dating” being the top websites.

The apps and websites make it easy to browse profiles and pictures of people, message your matches, and get quickly involved in a budding romance. It’s never been easier to connect to people and find those with common interests. But if that’s the case….

Why is Gen Z having such a difficult time finding romantic partners?

It turns out, there is another shift happening amongst Gen Z.

Just because something is easy, doesn’t mean it’s good….  And when it comes to dating, Gen Z is finding that out the hard way.

Matching with strangers happens quickly.  You look at some pictures, MAYBE read the profile, and you swipe right if you like them, and left if you pass.  If both people swipe right on each other you MATCH!! And depending on who you are, the chase/games begin.

The first match is exciting.  A heart pops up on the screen along with some bright text and the image of the person looking all charming, sexy or seductive.  The second match equally exciting, third, fourth, fifth, and so on.  

Now that you’ve got all these matches, what do you do next?   

Well you message of course.  All of them.  All your matches.  One after the other.  Because who knows if they’re going to respond or not right?

Match 1

You see a picture of them standing at the Royal Palace in Seoul, Korea..

Your message: Hey!  I went to Seoul last year and loved it.  Did you go to a Korean Spa?

Next Match…. They’re standing on the Golden Bridge in Ba Na hills….

This time you try some humor in your approach..

You:  Hey, are you sugar?  Because you look sweet and I want to spoon you.

Match 3

Or maybe you’re lazy, so you craft a generic message that you can send to all your matches…..

You: Hey your hand looks pretty heavy, let me hold it for you.

Yes, I looked up some of these openers on the internet.  The results were hilarious.

Some people respond, some people don’t, that’s just how it works.  

Just because you match doesn’t mean you have to speak to them.  Some people just go on these apps to swipe because they are insecure about their looks and want to know that others want to match with them.

Some of you might have too many matches and there’s no way that you can message everyone….  Not meaningfully anyway….

You meet all sorts of people.

Some people message too much and too fast and it scares people away. Some people message one or two word responses and that’s all you get. Some people are overly serious. Some people joke too much (which might not translate well over DMs)

On average, people like to message for about 1 week before meeting, and most westerners are happy to meet within the same day as matching with someone.

 So far so good right?  Clearly a fast and easy way to meet people.

The Downside

When you put up a picture on a dating profile, you try and choose your best most adventurous ones.  Most of us anyway.  There are hundreds of thousands of profiles out there, so if you don’t catch their eye, they will pass on you quickly.  

Swipe, swipe, swipe…..  Swipe, Match, swipe, swipe.  Swipe, match, swipe some more.  After about 20 minutes of this it gets incredibly boring and repetitive.  Many beautiful people out there.  Some not so beautiful.  

After some time messaging, you set some dates and finally meet a few people.  You get to a location and message them that you got there. You of course chose a place where you could do a quick escape in case you don’t like them.  Something casual like a café.

The person shows up…..  They look nothing like their profile photo.  Damn filters…..  You meet someone else the next day, they were incredibly charming and funny online…and it turns out that they are incredibly awkward in person.  Next…

You finally meet someone you like.  Buttt…….  You have a bunch of other pretty people who are interesting.  What do you do?

Well…..  you set up another date of course… with the other people.  You will continue to see the person who you liked…. But just in case they turn out to be a weirdo, you might as well talk to other people.  “What’s the harm” you tell yourself.  Why put all your eggs in one basket right? 

And this leads me to my point…. 

People do not commit.  

People can have a lot of choices, and they probably have FOMO (fear of missing out) if they stay with one person, so they continue talking to other people at the same time.

This is probably the origin story of many “Fuck Boys”.  Guys who meet up with girls online and are just looking to hook up.  Then they escape or leave when they find someone else or get bored.

You will likely be dating someone, maybe even be serious with them, only to find out that they are talking to several other people at the same time.  Some people are already married, or in long term relationships and will be dating around for fun

People also give up early on someone once the new romance hits a road bump.  Since its easy to match and meet new random people, many young relationships don’t make it because the couple choose not to try and work out their differences.  

Divorce rates are ever increasing all over the world, and marriage doesn’t last nearly as long as it used to.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea right?

This dating culture leads to….

Disappointment

A lot of people move quickly in online dating.  Relationships don’t work out for a lot of potential reasons.

Your Expectations

They are a fantasy in your head of what you think they might be.  You haven’t met in real life yet… and you already know that they like to hike, are into camping, drive a nice car, and like to enjoy a glass of wine with their dinner.

Oh they must be rich!  They must be sophisticated and charming.  I bet they are romantic.

Then you meet in real life….  Turns out it was all mom and dad’s money.  Or they stole photos from someone else, or the photo filter was on way too strong.

It’s tough because people have very high expectations and are looking for a perfect match, when in truth that is very rare.  Relationships take work.  Sharing who you are with someone else can be scary and difficult.  It’s easier to just move on and try someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some wonderful people out there.  Its just, that other people know that they are wonderful too, so you might be competing for that person.

That person might be talking to several people at the same time too.  Can you blame them?  You probably are too.

The Result

Much of Gen Z just doesn’t find dating worth it anymore.  Many are actively choosing not to date simply because dating has become a grind.  A chore.  Work.  

A lot of Gen Z also feels vulnerable and have a fear of rejection.

They feel like they will be disappointed or let down.  So they have developed a new dynamic to avoid all of the garbage.

The shift towards Situationships…..

This is essentially the gray area of “somewhere between friendship and love,” as described in Min’s song. This ambiguous relationship status allows them the freedom of being committed in a relationship, yet they can have intimacy. They pave paths but also create exits to avoid deep emotional harm from breakups.

Instead of doing this why not try a different approach?

Have a different perspective towards Love

It’s important for you to know what you want in a relationship.  This is different from being told what you want.  The only way to know is to experience it yourself so you can understand what traits and characteristics are important to you and what you can overlook because it isn’t a big deal.  How do you do this?

  1. Date.

You’re supposed to date.  The more people you date, the more you realize what you want in a partner and what you can’t tolerate.  

  • Reset your expectations

Love doesn’t work like in the movies.  You don’t get woken up by a rich handsome prince who falls instantly in love with you at first sight.  

  • It takes two.

Understand that relationships work or don’t work depending on several things.  If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t have to mean that it was 100% their fault, or 100% your fault.  Perhaps you just weren’t a good match and there were reasons why.  It’s ok to fail in love.

  • Love yourself and Share

Learn to love yourself for who you are, and understand what you bring to the table.  Partners should be able to meet you in the middle.  All relationships are give and take.  The equation has to be balanced, otherwise if one person puts in more effort, it will be unbalanced and resentment will build.

Once you love yourself, you have confidence in who you are, and you should share who you are with people on your same level.  Someone who can appreciate your qualities and traits and build on top of it.

  • Love takes work

The only way love can grow is if you feed it.  Love feeds on kindness, patience, passion, empathy, and sharing.  The more you can share with your partner, the stronger your trust will grow in that person.  It works both ways.  You should want to be there for each other in times of darkness.  After all, life isn’t like an Instagram reel.

True love exists.  If it’s what you’re looking for, I hope you find it.

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2 Comments

  1. João Ruivo

    Situationships are like friends with benefits yeah? Whats the diff.

  2. I’m so glad my generation didn’t have to go through online dating.

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